Talk Thursday – Coffee

Mimsy loves the stuff. I figure it must be magic because it sure ain’t catnip.

She calls it coffee, whatever that is.  To me it smells like acid bear shit. I stuck my nose in her cup one day and thought my precious kitty whiskers would fall off. But I tell ya, if she doesn’t have her cuppa shit in the morning, my tail could potentially be in the ringer all day, so to speak.

The stuff comes in shiny little bags, some green, some red. At first it looks a bit like big rabbit turds but less oval and darker. She calls them “beans” and puts them in a little noisy machine. When she dumps them out they look like oily dirt. And smell?  . . . Can’t tell ya how the stuff smells.

But that’s when it starts to be magic because Mimsy starts to come out of her long nap and purr a little. It’s that smell that starts to wake her up and she starts to pet me and rub my ears. Ah yeah. Right there. Ohhhhh. . .

Pppdpdpdpdpdp mmph. Anyway. I’m back. Then she puts the dirt stuff in another machine, dumps in some water and pushes a little red button. Usually she runs a little house errand or something while the machine huffs and puffs and turns the dirt stuff into liquid Acid Bear Shit (ABS) and drips it into a funny bowl. Alchemy maybe. I dunno, but it’s magic because then Mimsy starts to get a little happier.

She dumps the ABS into a smaller bowl, she calls them “cups,” drips in some thick Agave stuff and sometimes dreamy, heavenly, luscious, food for the Goddess Bast, milk out of a can. Now that stuff is pure heaven. If I’m really cute, she shares. Ah yes, milk. . . . ohhhhhh. Go soft and cool and sweet on the tongue, so yummmmmy. . .

Pdpdpdpdpd mmmph. Back again. Hey I get it! She loves coffee like I love milk. That’s it! So good to figure that out. And they say cats are dumb. Fffffftttt.  A little distracted maybe, but not dumb.

Anyway. She drinks it while she stares at a bunch of folded grey paper with squiggles on it. Sometimes she looks all annoyed and says things like, “What? Are they nuts?” Or worse. Won’t repeat. Something about a campaign. Sometimes she laughs. Not sure why but glad she’s happy.

And then there’s more magic. Mimsy perks up and changes her weird rumpled night fur into day fur and starts staring at the light picture box in her office. She really gets going after that, but she needs that ABS to do much. Most of the time she goes into the spraying water box before she puts on her day fur.

I have never understood why humans do the spraying water box thing. It is so much more efficient to just lick. Such a waste of water. And humans don’t even have much fur to contend with. Although I have noticed that Mimsy isn’t as limber as I am so maybe that’s it. She just can’t reach, so why bother with an incomplete bath. Pity.

Hmmm. Maybe someone will invent a big tongue bath box for humans.  Someday. Maybe that same someone would invent a little tongue bath box for cats when they get too tired for that last bath of the day. Hmmm.

I wonder how much ABS that task would require?